Saying good-bye

Yesterday was Monday, but there was no Music Monday post.  I thought since I had recently posted two music videos, I would step away from YouTube for a bit.  Plus, when I'm in Decatur with my parents, I try to take a break from the computer and concentrate on the time I have with them.

This morning I visited with GAR.  My mom dropped me off at her house when she stopped by to pick up the weekly grocery list.  GAR and I talked while my mom ran errands and picked up Honey Buns, chocolate milk, and Ensure.

GAR doesn't eat very much anymore.  She said today that it was because the weather has been so hot, but both my mom and I think it is because she has lost her will to live and she is slowly starving herself.  Today GAR told me she is ready to go to heaven and she wishes that God would hurry up and call her home.  She also said that she is lonely.

I really can't imagine how GAR feels.  She only has very limited vision in one eye, so she doesn't watch television and she can't read.  When her little dauchshund was still alive she at least had his companionship, but he has been gone for several years now.  Because of her blindness, she only leaves the house for doctor's visits a few times a year.  Even with almost daily visits from my parents and frequent phone calls from a few friends, her world has shrunk to the limits of a very small four room house. 

GAR didn't expressly say this, but I think she wonders what God's purpose is in giving her such a long life, especially when she isn't really able to do much.  I know she wonders why her husband was taken from her so unexpectedly, why she lost everything in Hurricane Charlie, why even her precious Doxie was taken from her.  Like so much else in life, there are no answers. 

But GAR has faith.  Today she told me that her mother told her that God would give her everything she needed, and if she didn't have it, she didn't need it.  In the course of her 94 years, God has seen her through some difficult times, and in this last difficult time in her life, He is still with her, still providing her with all that she needs.

Each time when I see GAR, I wonder if it will be the last time I visit with her.  I wonder if the next time I come to Decatur, it will be for her funeral.  When I say good-bye to her, I wonder if it will be the last time I hug her and hear her thank me for coming to talk with her.  I'm glad that I don't know which good-bye will be the final one.