Judge not lest you be judged

I have a friend who makes every attempt to be extremely non-judgmental.  She will often say that she can't judge or that it's not her place to judge -- and she's absolutely right in what she says.

I, on the other hand, struggle with making comments that come across as judgmental.  Even if it's totally not my intention to pass judgment, my remarks often have a tone or language that can be interpreted as judgmental.  I'm not sure how to get around that.  Should I start every statement with, "I'm not judging . . ."?  Somehow that intro sounds as if there's a "but" lurking not too far away.

This whole issue of judging/not judging came up in an e-mail exchange I had with my friend this evening.  In discussing a celebrity, I said he was good-looking, but I was pretty sure he was a "bad boy."

My friend responded by saying that she really didn't know him and it wasn't her call.

Very true.  Neither one of us know this man.  I've seen him perform, but that in no way qualifies me to have any insight into his character or the type of person he is when he's not on stage.  My friend saw him perform briefly today at her place of employment.  I doubt her powers of discernment were any keener than mine.

My friend's e-mail response took me by surprise because I felt as if she was scolding me for judging this man with my "bad boy" comment.  I thought I had made a light remark; I certainly wasn't trying to hand down a definitive ruling on his nature and morality.  I suppose, when I thought about it longer, I could be considered guilty of having made a throw-away comment that wasn't well thought out.  But I certainly didn't think I was guilty of slander or defamation of character.

Strangely enough, what did I feel when I read my friend's response?  I felt judged.  My so very careful not to judge friend, by her statement that it wasn't her call to judge this entertainer, made me feel as if she thought that I thought it was my call to judge him.  Her remark to me seemed to have an undertone that said, "well, I would never do that, but if you feel that it's okay for you to do that, then who am I to tell you that you're wrong? . . . but in my opinion, you're wrong."

I really don't think my friend intended to communicate a sense of superiority in her ability to rise above the temptation to judge, but that's the message that I received. Does the fault lie with my friend and the way in which she stated her thoughts or did I read her message with a predisposition to finding bias or judgment.  Bottom line -- my friendship with this woman is too important to me to dwell on whether or not she was subtly getting in a dig at me for my unintended swipe at this celebrity's moral compass.   

Ultimately any judgment we render on this earth will be meaningless.  God is our Judge.  Each one of us will have to face the LORD on the final day of judgment, and His assessment, His verdict will be the only one that will count.