I can't even begin to describe how totally exhausted I am.
Between the heat (even worse now that there are no trees to shade the back of our house) and the constant stress of the past few days, I can hardly put one foot in front of the other. This afternoon I laid down on the floor in the family room (only air conditioned room in the house) and took a power nap. When I woke up, I was cool, but I still felt absolutely drained of any motivation or energy
I have lots of ideas and stories to blog about, but no desire or energy to blog. Some of the things I want to commit to the blog are pretty intense and I'm not sure I want those raw feelings to live forever in the vastness of cyberspace.
Today I slept until almost 8:00 a.m. -- the latest I've been able to sleep since the storm. The tree guys probably will be back sometime tomorrow to finish grinding down the maple stump. I really hope George will oversee this final step in the tree removal process because I am more than ready to relinquish that responsibility to him.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
Happy Birthday to me and a milestone!
Today is my birthday. I don't feel the need to tell you how old I am, but I will say that I celebrated a milestone birthday a few years ago.
I doubt if there are any criteria for what constitutes a "normal" birthday, but if there were, this birthday would definitely not be classified as normal.
I'm pretty sure that this is the first birthday since I've been married that my husband has not been here to help me celebrate. He's in Moscow -- Russia, not Idaho.
When I was working I would always arrange my schedule so I didn't have to work on my birthday. I wanted to have an enjoyable, stress-free day to do exactly as I pleased. Today was certainly not stress-free, although parts of it were enjoyable.
Originally, M had planned to spend this weekend with friends at a lake north of Detroit. When she realized that her father would also be gone and I would be alone on my birthday, she felt guilty and decided to not make the trip. (Disclaimer: I in no way attempted to make her feel guilty. In fact I encouraged her to go.)
I cannot begin to express how grateful I am that M chose to give up a weekend with friends in order to stay home with me. We didn't really do anything to celebrate, other than get frozen yogurt, but it was nice to not be alone, especially since we spent most of the day dealing with our tree removal team. : /
Tomorrow my husband will be home. If all goes according to plan he and I, along with M and K, will have dinner at a restaurant I like in Oak Brook. And after dinner there will be gelato. : ) I'm happy that my birthday observance won't necessarily be limited to just one day.
Besides my birthday, today marks another significant milestone.
This is my 100th blogpost! I remember when I started to blog -- the thought of reaching the point where I would have written 100 posts seemed inconceivable. But here I am, still going strong and looking forward to the next 100!
I doubt if there are any criteria for what constitutes a "normal" birthday, but if there were, this birthday would definitely not be classified as normal.
I'm pretty sure that this is the first birthday since I've been married that my husband has not been here to help me celebrate. He's in Moscow -- Russia, not Idaho.
When I was working I would always arrange my schedule so I didn't have to work on my birthday. I wanted to have an enjoyable, stress-free day to do exactly as I pleased. Today was certainly not stress-free, although parts of it were enjoyable.
Originally, M had planned to spend this weekend with friends at a lake north of Detroit. When she realized that her father would also be gone and I would be alone on my birthday, she felt guilty and decided to not make the trip. (Disclaimer: I in no way attempted to make her feel guilty. In fact I encouraged her to go.)
I cannot begin to express how grateful I am that M chose to give up a weekend with friends in order to stay home with me. We didn't really do anything to celebrate, other than get frozen yogurt, but it was nice to not be alone, especially since we spent most of the day dealing with our tree removal team. : /
Tomorrow my husband will be home. If all goes according to plan he and I, along with M and K, will have dinner at a restaurant I like in Oak Brook. And after dinner there will be gelato. : ) I'm happy that my birthday observance won't necessarily be limited to just one day.
Besides my birthday, today marks another significant milestone.
This is my 100th blogpost! I remember when I started to blog -- the thought of reaching the point where I would have written 100 posts seemed inconceivable. But here I am, still going strong and looking forward to the next 100!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Thankful Thursday
This has been quite a summer. Our family has gone through a number of challenges that we could never have foreseen happening.
Sometimes it has been difficult to write the Thankful Thursday post because I haven't felt thankful to be stretched and ripped out of my comfort zone.
Today was a perfect example.
I had to make a number or phone calls to people I've never met. I hate to make phone calls.
I had to make decisions without being able to do extensive research or gather opinions from family and friends. I stink at making decisions.
I had to keep my emotions in check and not lose it in front of my 20-year old child. All I wanted to do was cry.
So what did I find to be thankful for in my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day?
My 20-year old child, M.
I don't think I could have made it through last night and this very long, very hot, very challenging day without M by my side.
Sometimes it has been difficult to write the Thankful Thursday post because I haven't felt thankful to be stretched and ripped out of my comfort zone.
Today was a perfect example.
I had to make a number or phone calls to people I've never met. I hate to make phone calls.
I had to make decisions without being able to do extensive research or gather opinions from family and friends. I stink at making decisions.
I had to keep my emotions in check and not lose it in front of my 20-year old child. All I wanted to do was cry.
So what did I find to be thankful for in my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day?
My 20-year old child, M.
I don't think I could have made it through last night and this very long, very hot, very challenging day without M by my side.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Back to blogging
Whenever I take a break from blogging for a few days, it's hard to get back on schedule.
You would think after not blogging for 4 days I would have lots of ideas bouncing around my brain and I would be eager to blog . . . but that's just not the case. : /
This time around I took a total technology break -- not just no blogging, but also no computer for three days. That is a really long time for a computer addict like me.
For one of those three days I wasn't even using my cell phone, but only because I spilled a glass of water and my phone got a little damp. I took out the battery and SIM card and submerged the phone in a large cup of rice. Thankfully the rice wicked enough moisture from the phone so that when I replaced the battery and SIM card and powered it on, everything worked great!
So now I'm back to full technology -- computer, internet, cell phone -- and a part of me wishes I was still living in the technology-free zone. : )
You would think after not blogging for 4 days I would have lots of ideas bouncing around my brain and I would be eager to blog . . . but that's just not the case. : /
This time around I took a total technology break -- not just no blogging, but also no computer for three days. That is a really long time for a computer addict like me.
For one of those three days I wasn't even using my cell phone, but only because I spilled a glass of water and my phone got a little damp. I took out the battery and SIM card and submerged the phone in a large cup of rice. Thankfully the rice wicked enough moisture from the phone so that when I replaced the battery and SIM card and powered it on, everything worked great!
So now I'm back to full technology -- computer, internet, cell phone -- and a part of me wishes I was still living in the technology-free zone. : )
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Thankful Thursday
It's 1:13 p.m.
The temperature is 94 degrees, but with the heat index (humidity at 56%) it feels like it's 108 degrees.
On this Thankful Thursday, you better believe I'm very, very thankful for air conditioning, even if it's only one room cooled by a tiny window unit!
: )
The temperature is 94 degrees, but with the heat index (humidity at 56%) it feels like it's 108 degrees.
On this Thankful Thursday, you better believe I'm very, very thankful for air conditioning, even if it's only one room cooled by a tiny window unit!
: )
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Two worlds
I feel like I'm living in two worlds.
One world is tropical -- bright, sunny, humid, hot.
The other world is more cave-like -- dark, silent (except for the whir of fans) and cool. Blissfully cool.
I try to spend as much time in the cave-like world, but occasionally I have to venture out into the stifling heat of the tropics.
As I first step into the warmth and humidity, it doesn't seem so bad. But with each step I take away from my chilly sanctuary, the heat becomes more and more oppressive. I can actually feel the energy-sapping heaviness settle upon me as if someone had draped a massive full length fur coat around my shoulders.
If only I could stay in the cave forever . . . or at least until this heat wave breaks.
One world is tropical -- bright, sunny, humid, hot.
The other world is more cave-like -- dark, silent (except for the whir of fans) and cool. Blissfully cool.
I try to spend as much time in the cave-like world, but occasionally I have to venture out into the stifling heat of the tropics.
As I first step into the warmth and humidity, it doesn't seem so bad. But with each step I take away from my chilly sanctuary, the heat becomes more and more oppressive. I can actually feel the energy-sapping heaviness settle upon me as if someone had draped a massive full length fur coat around my shoulders.
If only I could stay in the cave forever . . . or at least until this heat wave breaks.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Hot
Oh. My. Goodness
It was hot today . . . and it's going to get hotter.
Just as the first significant snowfall reminds me of my grandfather and his yearly reading of Snow-Bound by John Greenleaf Whittier, a heat wave makes me think of Fire and Ice by Robert Frost.
Fire and Ice
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
I'm not exactly sure why this poem comes to mind, but maybe it stems from discussions with people as to whether or not it would be better to be too hot or too cold. Obviously that isn't what Frost had in mind, but it's what pops into my mind.
As to the question, hot or cold, I think that even though I hate to be cold, I would rather have to endure extreme cold rather than extreme heat. My reasoning is that it is lots easier to put on more clothes in order to try to become warm, but once you've taken off every bit of clothing and you're still hot, there's not much else you can do. And that doesn't even take into account the embarrassment factor of stripping naked in order to try to cool off. If that was my only option, I would either burn up or melt into a large (but quickly evaporated) puddle of moisture before I would subject anyone else to a glimpse of my unclothed body.
Ugh.
Tomorrow and the next day and the next day and the next day . . . well, you get the idea . . . are going to be really hot. I plan to think frosty (not Frost-y) thoughts and imagine a glistening world of ice.
It was hot today . . . and it's going to get hotter.
Just as the first significant snowfall reminds me of my grandfather and his yearly reading of Snow-Bound by John Greenleaf Whittier, a heat wave makes me think of Fire and Ice by Robert Frost.
Fire and Ice
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
I'm not exactly sure why this poem comes to mind, but maybe it stems from discussions with people as to whether or not it would be better to be too hot or too cold. Obviously that isn't what Frost had in mind, but it's what pops into my mind.
As to the question, hot or cold, I think that even though I hate to be cold, I would rather have to endure extreme cold rather than extreme heat. My reasoning is that it is lots easier to put on more clothes in order to try to become warm, but once you've taken off every bit of clothing and you're still hot, there's not much else you can do. And that doesn't even take into account the embarrassment factor of stripping naked in order to try to cool off. If that was my only option, I would either burn up or melt into a large (but quickly evaporated) puddle of moisture before I would subject anyone else to a glimpse of my unclothed body.
Ugh.
Tomorrow and the next day and the next day and the next day . . . well, you get the idea . . . are going to be really hot. I plan to think frosty (not Frost-y) thoughts and imagine a glistening world of ice.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Time warp
I feel like I'm living in a time warp. Ever since M was in the hospital, I have lost all sense of time.
The hospital days were one big blur, each one the same as the next. Monday seemed like Tuesday, which seemed like Wednesday until finally it was Thursday and M was able to come home.
Once M was home, she couldn't go back to work for a week, so we still didn't fall back into the work week vs. weekend rhythm that we were used to before she was sick. Every day felt like a Saturday or a Sunday.
I was very confused . . . and I'm still confused. Even though M is back to work on a somewhat regular schedule, I still don't know what day it is.
This afternoon I was hot and exhausted, so I laid down to take a quick nap before dinner. When I woke up, I would have sworn it was Friday evening, not Saturday. Fourth of July felt like a Sunday to me, even though we hadn't been to church that morning, so it couldn't possibly have been a Sunday. Consequently I was one day off for the rest of that week. : /
It's an odd feeling. I'm ready to get back to life outside of the time warp.
The hospital days were one big blur, each one the same as the next. Monday seemed like Tuesday, which seemed like Wednesday until finally it was Thursday and M was able to come home.
Once M was home, she couldn't go back to work for a week, so we still didn't fall back into the work week vs. weekend rhythm that we were used to before she was sick. Every day felt like a Saturday or a Sunday.
I was very confused . . . and I'm still confused. Even though M is back to work on a somewhat regular schedule, I still don't know what day it is.
This afternoon I was hot and exhausted, so I laid down to take a quick nap before dinner. When I woke up, I would have sworn it was Friday evening, not Saturday. Fourth of July felt like a Sunday to me, even though we hadn't been to church that morning, so it couldn't possibly have been a Sunday. Consequently I was one day off for the rest of that week. : /
It's an odd feeling. I'm ready to get back to life outside of the time warp.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Thankful Thursday
Four years ago the day started out overcast and rainy. By early afternoon the rain stopped and the sun began to peek through the clouds. Thankfully the rain cooled things down but didn't add any oppressive humidity to the air. All in all, it was a beautiful day for a wedding.
The bride and groom, E and N, were respectively gorgeous and handsome. E especially wore a glow of happiness all day. I have never seen her look more beautiful than she did on her wedding day. I don't think I've seen anyone smile as much as N. It was a joy to witness their obvious love and delight in each other.
I am thankful that the Lord brought E and N together. I am thankful that they are even more in love today than they were on their wedding day and I am thankful that their love for Jesus is at the center of their marriage and their lives.
Happy Anniversary E and N! May God continue to bless you and your marriage.
The bride and groom, E and N, were respectively gorgeous and handsome. E especially wore a glow of happiness all day. I have never seen her look more beautiful than she did on her wedding day. I don't think I've seen anyone smile as much as N. It was a joy to witness their obvious love and delight in each other.
I am thankful that the Lord brought E and N together. I am thankful that they are even more in love today than they were on their wedding day and I am thankful that their love for Jesus is at the center of their marriage and their lives.
Happy Anniversary E and N! May God continue to bless you and your marriage.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Close to home
After the hospital experience that our family had last month, I had hoped we would be able to avoid health crises of any kind for quite some time . . . like years.
While, for the moment, we are healthy, others are not. Just this week I've learned of three people we know who are facing moderate to significant health challenges. Although none of these people are family members, they are people we are close to (or in the instance of the youngest person, someone who is dear to a very close friend).
It is so hard to understand why these individuals and their loved ones have to deal with pain, fear, and uncertainty. It is especially unfathomable why N, only three years old, is facing a spinal tap, bone marrow testing and chemotherapy.
Why does this innocent child have to suffer? For what purpose has God ordained or allowed this rare form of cancer to ravage N's little body? To my finite human mind, the entire situation is incomprehensible. I cannot imagine any way in which N's illness and the harrowing testing and treatment that will attempt to heal him can possibly bring glory to God. But I have to believe that God would not cause or allow him to suffer for no good reason.
As hard as it is, I have to trust that Jeremiah 29:11 is as true for N as it is for anyone -- 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
The same God that created N, who knit him together in his mother's womb, also sent his one and only son to die for his eternal salvation. Even at N's tender age, I pray that he knows that Jesus loves him and died for him. I also pray that N's parents know that the God of the universe has specific plans for their son -- good plans, plans that will benefit him, not harm him, plans that will enable him to have hope and to look to the future.
None of us knows what lies ahead. But if we believe that God's Word -- both in Scripture and the Word made flesh, Jesus Christ -- is true and trustworthy, we can have assurance that what lies ahead is from God and it is His good plan, in fact, His best plan for us.
Father God, please hear our prayers for N and his family, for J who is in great pain, and for JR who faces difficult decisions regarding future surgery and possible lifestyle adjustments. Help each one to feel your presence and perfect love. We pray that You will bring healing and wholeness into each life. In every situation may seeds of faith in Jesus be sown and nourished to your glory. Amen.
While, for the moment, we are healthy, others are not. Just this week I've learned of three people we know who are facing moderate to significant health challenges. Although none of these people are family members, they are people we are close to (or in the instance of the youngest person, someone who is dear to a very close friend).
It is so hard to understand why these individuals and their loved ones have to deal with pain, fear, and uncertainty. It is especially unfathomable why N, only three years old, is facing a spinal tap, bone marrow testing and chemotherapy.
Why does this innocent child have to suffer? For what purpose has God ordained or allowed this rare form of cancer to ravage N's little body? To my finite human mind, the entire situation is incomprehensible. I cannot imagine any way in which N's illness and the harrowing testing and treatment that will attempt to heal him can possibly bring glory to God. But I have to believe that God would not cause or allow him to suffer for no good reason.
As hard as it is, I have to trust that Jeremiah 29:11 is as true for N as it is for anyone -- 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
The same God that created N, who knit him together in his mother's womb, also sent his one and only son to die for his eternal salvation. Even at N's tender age, I pray that he knows that Jesus loves him and died for him. I also pray that N's parents know that the God of the universe has specific plans for their son -- good plans, plans that will benefit him, not harm him, plans that will enable him to have hope and to look to the future.
None of us knows what lies ahead. But if we believe that God's Word -- both in Scripture and the Word made flesh, Jesus Christ -- is true and trustworthy, we can have assurance that what lies ahead is from God and it is His good plan, in fact, His best plan for us.
Father God, please hear our prayers for N and his family, for J who is in great pain, and for JR who faces difficult decisions regarding future surgery and possible lifestyle adjustments. Help each one to feel your presence and perfect love. We pray that You will bring healing and wholeness into each life. In every situation may seeds of faith in Jesus be sown and nourished to your glory. Amen.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
A little chuckle
I was totally serious about yesterday's post, but it did remind me of a funny joke I heard years ago.
A Sunday School teacher gathered her class around her for story time. In order to keep her young students interested, the teacher planned to use a flannelgraph. As she placed the first figure on the board, she paused to ask the children if any one could tell her the name of the figure on the board.
Several of the children raised their hands, but the teacher called on a little boy who seldom participated during story time. The boy thought for awhile. Finally he replied, "It looks like to a squirrel to me, but I know the answer must be Jesus."
: )
A Sunday School teacher gathered her class around her for story time. In order to keep her young students interested, the teacher planned to use a flannelgraph. As she placed the first figure on the board, she paused to ask the children if any one could tell her the name of the figure on the board.
Several of the children raised their hands, but the teacher called on a little boy who seldom participated during story time. The boy thought for awhile. Finally he replied, "It looks like to a squirrel to me, but I know the answer must be Jesus."
: )
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Discouraged
Sometimes I feel like I'm making progress . . . like I have my demons under control.
And then there are days like today, when I know I am so far from anything even resembling self-control.
Why is it that I know what I need to do but I choose to not do it? Why do I choose to give in?
It all sounds very Pauline. The apostle Paul wrote of his struggles with sin in Romans 7:14-25.
14 So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. 15 I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. 16 But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. 17 So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
18 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[d] I want to do what is right, but I can’t. 19 I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. 20 But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22 I love God’s law with all my heart. 23 But there is another power[e] within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? 25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.
I don't know what Paul's specific struggle was, but I can definitely relate to his description of the conflict between his sin nature and his spiritual nature. Thankfully Paul knew the answer that would end his inner wrestling match and allow his spiritual nature to triumph over his sinful urges.
The answer is Jesus Christ. The answer is always Jesus Christ.
Thanks be to God!
And then there are days like today, when I know I am so far from anything even resembling self-control.
Why is it that I know what I need to do but I choose to not do it? Why do I choose to give in?
It all sounds very Pauline. The apostle Paul wrote of his struggles with sin in Romans 7:14-25.
14 So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. 15 I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. 16 But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. 17 So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
18 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[d] I want to do what is right, but I can’t. 19 I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. 20 But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22 I love God’s law with all my heart. 23 But there is another power[e] within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? 25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.
I don't know what Paul's specific struggle was, but I can definitely relate to his description of the conflict between his sin nature and his spiritual nature. Thankfully Paul knew the answer that would end his inner wrestling match and allow his spiritual nature to triumph over his sinful urges.
The answer is Jesus Christ. The answer is always Jesus Christ.
Thanks be to God!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Everything happens for a reason
If I didn't know/believe that already, I certainly would after this morning*. M had her follow-up appointment with Dr. Z at 9:30 a.m. The computers were down at CDH, so they couldn't pull up her chart -- consequently the doctor didn't have the results from the lab work that had to be sent to California. However he is pretty sure from the lab results that he does have that M's colon infection was caused by something she ate or perhaps trauma resulting from exertion and dehydration. He feels it is highly unlikely she has a chronic condition such as Crohn's or irritable bowel syndrome. He did say that she had an extremely serious infection and that he normally only sees 2-3 people per year who are infected to such a degree. Not something I would want to have as my claim to fame and I'm sure M would have been thrilled to have had a normal, run of the mill infection rather than a spectacular one, but we don't get to choose.
Dr. Z did have the pathology on the polyp that he removed and he said that he was surprised by the result. M's polyp was pre-cancerous. Apparently it's not as bad as it sounds, and while it's not common in someone her age, it's not unheard of. Although from what he said it sounded like most of the people he's seen with "early" pre-cancerous polyps have been in their 30s instead of just barely 20. Bottom line (no pun intended) M will need to have a colonoscopy again in three years and appropriate follow-up depending on the results of that procedure. If her next scope is polyp-free, she can probably go five years before she will need another one. Dr. Z strongly suggested that K and E also have colonoscopies since a close blood relative had a pre-cancerous polyp at such a young age. E has an appointment coming up with her doctor and she said she would discuss it with him and see what he thought. K will probably ignore it altogether.
Even before today I could see how the past two and a half months have been preparing us for M's diagnosis. If the gall bladder attack I had on April 21 had been pretty much like all the ones that I'd had before, I would never have gone to the ER. If my iron count hadn't been so low when they drew blood in the ER, the ER doctor and my surgeon wouldn't have insisted that I see a primary care physician. If Dr. M hadn't insisted that I have a colonoscopy before he would clear me for surgery, I wouldn't have met Dr. Z. If I hadn't seen Dr. Z, I wouldn't have known who to ask for when the ER doctor said that M would need a scope. I'm sure that whoever the hospital would have called would have been fine, but it was really a blessing that someone I knew, liked, and trusted was available to take care of M. It helped that I personally knew what the procedure was like so I could reassure her that she would be okay. If M hadn't needed a scope, chances are the polyp would have gone undetected for who knows how long and quite probably would have become cancerous well before she would have had a baseline colonoscopy at age 50.
Nothing is wasted in God's economy; nothing happens by chance. If I had had my choice, I wouldn't have chosen to have gone through any of the challenges that I faced, but each one had a specific purpose that led up to the moment that we arrived at the ER with M. While I was complaining about the hoops I felt I was having to jump through just to have my gall bladder removed, God was using each challenge and "obstacle" to prepare us for the next step we would need to take. Thanks be to God!
*Actually yesterday (Tuesday) morning -- I'm a day behind in posting this. : /
Dr. Z did have the pathology on the polyp that he removed and he said that he was surprised by the result. M's polyp was pre-cancerous. Apparently it's not as bad as it sounds, and while it's not common in someone her age, it's not unheard of. Although from what he said it sounded like most of the people he's seen with "early" pre-cancerous polyps have been in their 30s instead of just barely 20. Bottom line (no pun intended) M will need to have a colonoscopy again in three years and appropriate follow-up depending on the results of that procedure. If her next scope is polyp-free, she can probably go five years before she will need another one. Dr. Z strongly suggested that K and E also have colonoscopies since a close blood relative had a pre-cancerous polyp at such a young age. E has an appointment coming up with her doctor and she said she would discuss it with him and see what he thought. K will probably ignore it altogether.
Even before today I could see how the past two and a half months have been preparing us for M's diagnosis. If the gall bladder attack I had on April 21 had been pretty much like all the ones that I'd had before, I would never have gone to the ER. If my iron count hadn't been so low when they drew blood in the ER, the ER doctor and my surgeon wouldn't have insisted that I see a primary care physician. If Dr. M hadn't insisted that I have a colonoscopy before he would clear me for surgery, I wouldn't have met Dr. Z. If I hadn't seen Dr. Z, I wouldn't have known who to ask for when the ER doctor said that M would need a scope. I'm sure that whoever the hospital would have called would have been fine, but it was really a blessing that someone I knew, liked, and trusted was available to take care of M. It helped that I personally knew what the procedure was like so I could reassure her that she would be okay. If M hadn't needed a scope, chances are the polyp would have gone undetected for who knows how long and quite probably would have become cancerous well before she would have had a baseline colonoscopy at age 50.
Nothing is wasted in God's economy; nothing happens by chance. If I had had my choice, I wouldn't have chosen to have gone through any of the challenges that I faced, but each one had a specific purpose that led up to the moment that we arrived at the ER with M. While I was complaining about the hoops I felt I was having to jump through just to have my gall bladder removed, God was using each challenge and "obstacle" to prepare us for the next step we would need to take. Thanks be to God!
*Actually yesterday (Tuesday) morning -- I'm a day behind in posting this. : /
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Lists
While M was in the hospital, she started a list of all the foods she wanted to eat when she was well again.
Salsa and chips, a big dill pickle, cheese ravioli, popcorn, and on and on.
Today I started a list of all the foods I cannot eat since I had my gall bladder removed. So far there's only one food on the list.
Chili cheese dog.
We had lunch at Portillo's before E and N headed back to Indiana. I had a hard time deciding what I wanted to eat, but I finally settled on a chili cheese dog.
Bad decision. Very bad decision.
I felt sick even before we left Portillo's. M offered to drive home and I was more than happy to let her. When we turned on to North Ave. from 355, I told M that normally I would never tell her to do this, but I wanted her to get home as fast as she could. She did a great job. We never had to stop for a single red light and she only sped a little bit.
I will never eat a Portillo's chili cheese dog again. Let's hope that's the only food I have to put on my list.
Salsa and chips, a big dill pickle, cheese ravioli, popcorn, and on and on.
Today I started a list of all the foods I cannot eat since I had my gall bladder removed. So far there's only one food on the list.
Chili cheese dog.
We had lunch at Portillo's before E and N headed back to Indiana. I had a hard time deciding what I wanted to eat, but I finally settled on a chili cheese dog.
Bad decision. Very bad decision.
I felt sick even before we left Portillo's. M offered to drive home and I was more than happy to let her. When we turned on to North Ave. from 355, I told M that normally I would never tell her to do this, but I wanted her to get home as fast as she could. She did a great job. We never had to stop for a single red light and she only sped a little bit.
I will never eat a Portillo's chili cheese dog again. Let's hope that's the only food I have to put on my list.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
All together
Today, for less than two hours, my family was together -- my husband, E and N, K, M, and me.
We worked on the "overwhelming project" and then took a break for lunch at Potbelly. N doesn't really like Potbelly (I knew that but I had forgotten). Being the exceptional person he is, he never asked if we could go somewhere else instead. I felt bad when I remembered his Potbelly aversion, but he said that his sandwich was actually good.
All too quickly our time together was over. K had plans to go to the Ogden Dunes with friends who were visiting from out of town. The rest of us worked a little more before M and I headed home. Tomorrow we will meet up at church (minus K), have lunch at Portillos (sure to be a more N friendly place) and then say good-bye to E and N as they head back to Indiana.
I wish we could be all together more often.
We worked on the "overwhelming project" and then took a break for lunch at Potbelly. N doesn't really like Potbelly (I knew that but I had forgotten). Being the exceptional person he is, he never asked if we could go somewhere else instead. I felt bad when I remembered his Potbelly aversion, but he said that his sandwich was actually good.
All too quickly our time together was over. K had plans to go to the Ogden Dunes with friends who were visiting from out of town. The rest of us worked a little more before M and I headed home. Tomorrow we will meet up at church (minus K), have lunch at Portillos (sure to be a more N friendly place) and then say good-bye to E and N as they head back to Indiana.
I wish we could be all together more often.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Tired
The weight of the last week is finally hitting me.
I. Am. Exhausted.
It was a struggle to be with M as much as possible, yet still get some sleep and stay on top of the few responsibilities that I have at home. I was successful at being there for M, but a lot of the other stuff had to slide. Unfortunately that meant sleep, real sleep, amounted to about three hours each day.
Even now that M is home from the hospital, sleep is still in short supply.
Tomorrow will be a long day of work at Irene's house. E and N are coming over from Indiana to help. I had hoped that K would be able to help as well, but she has plans to go to Minnesota.
I don't know when life will slow down, but when it does, the first thing I want to do is sleep. : )
I. Am. Exhausted.
It was a struggle to be with M as much as possible, yet still get some sleep and stay on top of the few responsibilities that I have at home. I was successful at being there for M, but a lot of the other stuff had to slide. Unfortunately that meant sleep, real sleep, amounted to about three hours each day.
Even now that M is home from the hospital, sleep is still in short supply.
Tomorrow will be a long day of work at Irene's house. E and N are coming over from Indiana to help. I had hoped that K would be able to help as well, but she has plans to go to Minnesota.
I don't know when life will slow down, but when it does, the first thing I want to do is sleep. : )
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