Lookin' for love in all the wrong places

This country classic was recorded by Johnny Lee, but somehow in my mind I associate it with George Strait.

Today I associated it with me.  I was looking for love in all the wrong places.  And if I'm honest, I've done the same thing not just today, but lots and lots of days for too many years to count.

So in a futile attempt to find love (or comfort or satisfaction [in the sense of being emotionally filled] or a feeling of being needed and appreciated) I left the house for eight hours.

I went to Barnes & Noble and bought a Starbucks mocha and a slice of chocolate cheesecake.  I had this same cheesecake last weekend and it was delicious.  This weekend it was just okay.  In fact I really didn't even want to finish the whole piece -- it just didn't taste all that great.  To be more specific, it tasted just fine, but I didn't find it to be satisfying.  It didn't feed the "hunger" that I was experiencing.

I took my B&N treat to my friend K's house because I need to check on her cat, Booker, while she's gone for the weekend.  I love her cat.  He is beautiful and soft.  When I first walk in the door, he's glad to see me because he knows I'm going to give him fresh water and more cat food.  After I've fed him and start up the basement stairs, Booker races ahead of me and stops at the curve of the landing.  I know what he wants me to do.  He plants himself right in the middle of the large step and waits for me to lavish him with love.  I am happy to oblige.  Unfortunately, Booker isn't as eager to return the favor.  In all the time I've known him (almost 5 years) he's only let me pick him up and hold him twice and he has never sat on my lap.  So while I enjoyed being with Booker this afternoon, I really didn't get any love in return.

Before I went home, I needed to stop at Target to get bread and bananas.  Instead I went to T.J. Maxx.  I love to shop and T.J.'s is one of my favorite places.  It had been a while since I'd been there, so there was a lot to look at.  If only all I'd done was look.  But no, I bought things . . . lots of things.  Most of what I bought was for E, K, and M.  I found work out clothes and also some tops they can wear to school or work.  Sometimes I think I'm trying to buy my children's love.  Other times I realize that buying things makes me feel happy -- in a way that I don't find happiness in other areas of my life. 

I know it's wrong to try to fill the emptiness in my life with material goods, especially ones that I can't really afford.  Most of the time I'm able to resist the urge to spend money I don't have on things that I (and my kids) don't really need.  But sometimes the emptiness and desire to feel happiness and be "loved" is so great that I give in.

I'm looking forward to the day when I won't ever find myself lookin' for love in all the wrong places.