Have you ever wanted something really badly? So badly that at times the object of your desire was all you could think about? So badly that even though it physically hurt to think about what you wanted but couldn't have, you thought about it anyway?
I've been in that awful, horrible, painful place for more than two years.
I desperately want something that I will never have. Never in a million years. As much as I long for my wish to become a reality, I know with certainty that if the unthinkable were to occur, it would irreparably change every aspect of my life. Honestly, damage is a more accurate word than change, and destroy might be more precise than damage.
And yet, knowing what I do, I still think and dream about what I want, what I think will make me happy.
How stupid is that?
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