You might think this is going to be a rant about people who come to the US, legally or illegally, and can't be bothered to learn English. No, this is a different sort of rant. The language I'm referring to in the title is not a language associated with a specific country or ethnic group of people. I'm talking about a love language, as in the five love languages identified by Dr. Gary Chapman.
In Bible translation, the goal is to translate Scripture into the "heart" language of every people group. While some people groups might know another language (like English, French, or Spanish) for the purpose of education, business, or other official transactions, they usually have a heart language that is most familiar and allows them to express themselves most accurately. Their heart language is likely the language they learned to speak as they grew from a baby to a toddler and onward in their childhood homes; it is the language that their parents and grandparents spoke to them; it is a language of love. Translators strive to learn these heart languages so that the love of God's plan for humanity throughout time, as expressed by Jesus' life, death, and resurrection, can be written down for every human to read in a language that will be understood with the greatest clarity. It is no easy task, but it is so very important. In fact, it is a matter of life and death.
Love languages are similar to heart languages. According to Dr. Chapman, everyone has a primary love language that reaches them most deeply. If person A wants to communicate her love to person B, it is best communicated by using the language that resonates most strongly in the heart of person B, the language that person B knows best. Sometimes person A and person B speak the same love language. Lucky them! Communication between them should be fairly easy. Other times person A may have only a limited vocabulary and familiarity with person B's love language. The lack of knowledge about this "foreign" language can limit communication, but with patience on the part of person B and earnest attempts to learn on the part of person A, confidence and fluency can develop.
And then there is yet another possibility -- person A has never even heard of person B's love language and seems uninterested in making any attempt to learn it. This isn't to say that person A doesn't love person B, but it does mean that if person A communicates her love for person B in a language she prefers to speak, her message could fall on deaf ears because person B might not understand a word that person A is saying.
By now you've probably realized a love language doesn't necessarily use actual words. While words are important, actions are a powerful form of communication too, and the majority of the five love languages are predominately non-verbal. Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Gifts, and Quality Time require movement and action. Only one language, Words of Affirmation, most often necessitates vocal communication, although the language can certainly be expressed with written words of affirmation as well.
My primary love language is Words of Affirmation. My husband does not speak WoA. I've known this fact for years, and most of the time, it doesn't bother me. Most of the time. Tonight, it bothered me.
G's love language is Acts of Service. I thought I was speaking AoS today when I spent half the afternoon making a special dinner for us. What I prepared wasn't difficult, but it was time consuming and created a huge mess in the kitchen. I thought G would be pleased, especially since I know he likes this particular entree and it's not one that I make very often. I'll admit I was looking forward to hearing him use words of affirmation as he thanked me for the delicious (it really was delicious) meal that I spent hours fixing. Sad to say, I was disappointed.
G didn't say anything about the meal. Nothing. Nothing complimentary, nothing critical, no "thank you," nothing. I couldn't believe it. I thought about asking him if he liked the meal, but I decided not to bother. In the past when I've debased myself and fished for compliments, I've been let down when his response was a dismissive "It was fine" or "It was okay," or worst of all "Well, I ate it didn't I?"
I would love to hear G speak my primary love language, but sometimes silence is the better option.
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