Happy New Year

Happy New Year?  Not so much.  I would like to be able to call a mulligan on today and start over.

We almost made it to the end of M's Christmas break without any major blowups on either of our parts.  Almost.  But today I said something in "a snotty tone" and "made her feel like a loser" so any warm and fuzzy feelings or happy memories she might have of the two weeks she was home are toast.

The bewildering part for me is that what I said was so neutral (in my opinion) that I was blindsided by her (again, in my opinion) out of proportion response.  Honestly, I thought I handled the news that she got a D in physics really well.  I didn't even sigh or roll my eyes and I certainly didn't yell at her. 

What I did do was ask her what grades she got in her other classes.  How could I have been so stupid?  She interpreted the question to mean that I thought she had done equally poorly in the remaining five classes.  Actually I was fully expecting her to say that she had done really well in the rest of her classes.  And she had done well, A's and B's, which is pretty much what I would have predicted.  I have no idea how she heard a "tone" that I don't feel I voiced.

Bottom line -- M insisted that I apologize for something that I don't feel I did.  My attempts to defend myself were rejected and I was accused of interrupting and disrespecting her.

I am willing to man up and admit when I'm wrong.  I am not one of those people who insist they are always right, even when they're wrong *coughMILcough* *coughSILScough*. But I will not apologize for something I did not do.  And I don't want to trot out the politicians' disingenuous line -- "I'm sorry if you were offended by something I did/said/thought."  How lame.

Tomorrow we take M to K's house to spend a few days before she heads back to school.  I wish I could say that it would be nice to have more time together, but in reality, I am not unhappy that she isn't spending her last days of break at home.  And when I admit that fact, I feel like the worst mother ever, especially when there are many mothers who would give anything to be able to spend one more day with their child who has died or who is estranged from them or is absent from their life for whatever reason.

I wish that I could do today over.  And this time, I would hope to have the good sense to keep my mouth shut.  : //