Sad

This blog post title doesn't even begin to describe how I feel right now.

I am physically exhausted.

I'm bankrupt -- financially and emotionally.

The last three days have been extremely challenging.  At times I didn't know whether to cry or to scream, and sometimes I wanted to do both at the same time.

At this particular moment, I am mostly sad.

On Saturday we took M back to Purdue to move into her first apartment.  My husband returned home late Saturday evening (drove through a wicked, scary thunderstorm), but I stayed Saturday and Sunday night in order to help M settle into her new home.

As of 4:00 this afternoon, I thought I would stay one more night in West Lafayette.  But by 4:15 p.m., I was on my way back to Chicago.  I didn't have any business driving home; I hadn't slept well the previous night and I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open -- yet I knew that staying wasn't an option.

What makes me the saddest is how I said (or more accurately, didn't say) goodbye to M.  She was in a rush and she was with her boyfriend (who doesn't exactly like me) and I thought I would see her Tuesday morning, so I just told her goodbye and to have a good time this evening at a Crew event.  And then I got in my car and drove off.

I didn't hug her and I didn't tell her I love her.  I didn't even wave as I drove away.  : (   

I don't know when I will see M again -- maybe Labor Day, but maybe not until sometime in October.  I'll probably talk with her almost every day, but I won't be able to see her and I won't be able to hug her and feel her hug me back . . . and just thinking of that makes me want to cry.